Prince of Databases


Foundation Publications (1997, ISBN 978-1885217721)

A few years ago I attempted to rent advertising space in The Bible between the Old and New Testaments. I created a website for a fictional business called ‘Prince of Databases’ at:

I then emailed The Gideons International, who print and distribute Gideon’s Bible, at

Dear Sir,

Prince of Databases Inc. would like to obtain advertising within the Australian editions of your bible. At this stage, we would like to place a full-page, black-and-white advertisement on the existing empty page between the Old and New Testaments, which would mirror our current advertisement in the Washington Post.

Based on the readership statistics from your website, Prince of Databases Inc. solicit an offer in the vicinity of $12,000 U.S.D. for the first 100,000 copies distributed plus $8000 U.S.D. for every additional 100,000.

I have attached a screenshot of our Australian website, available at

I look forward to discussing the matter further with your organisation in person,

A. B. Smith
Acting Director of Marketing
Prince of Databases Incorporated


After a week, I hadn’t heard anything, so I emailed them a follow-up:


Dear Sir,
On November 23, I wrote on behalf of Prince of Databases Inc. to enquire about advertising in the Australian editions of your bible. We hope that you have now had time to consider our proposal.

If you have received an offer from Database Sultan, I must urge you not to deal with them. Database Sultan have a history of mistreating their business partners. In our personal dealings with them, we have found them unwilling to respect their clients’ priorities, the spirit of their business arrangements or the principles of open-handed dealing. In 2005, after completing a contract with us, they attempted to hire away the Prince of Databases jester.

Instead, we hope you will consider the advantages of Prince of Databases’ history and reputation for honesty.
Prince of Databases do not presume to interfere in your decisions, but out of a sense of duty to square dealing in the database community we must advise you against an unwise alliance with the Sultan,

A. B. Smith
Acting Director of Marketing
Prince of Databases Incorporated


To date I haven’t heard anything back.

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